Full Speed Ahead, Standing Still (James Silvius)

[*James Silvius]

James stared at Patrick. He had no idea this question would startle him like that. He listened to his words carefully. Hate. Hate was key. James hated a lot of people and things. He hated vampires fiercely. He wanted them all to die. But why didn't he feel this? This wolf-call? But Patrick didn't seem happy with this side of him. His pack leader always taught him to keep a clear head when in battle, to not let the wolf cloud his judgment. James listened to him. He heeded his word.

He was too... weak? To allow such a thing grow in him. James was amazed how Patrick showed him how it worked. It seemed pretty simple to him. But like he said, it was hard to shut off. Did he really want to be like that?

"I want to know what it feels like sometimes. After a full moon, I don't remember any of it. I shove it away. I don't want it controlling me. I think sometimes, what if I controlled it? My pack would never allow me to do this. It's quite dangerous I'd imagine. I really hate to go behind their back but I have to leave them someday and do things my own way. Will you teach me?"

James didn't even realize he was all bandaged up until after he said all of this. He was glad this took his mind off of the pain.

[rowanashke]

Patrick tossed the rag into the sink, looking very tired. And, in the light, old suddenly. "It's dangerous." He growled, half-closing his eyes. "It's very dangerous. THe wolf...the beast...always wants out. Always wants control. If you slip..."

He folded his arms across his chest, giving James a serious look. "If you slip, you're going to hurt someone or yourself. I could have killed you, back in the street. Snapped your neck like a chicken bone, and the beast would have just howled with laughter. It doesn't care. It doesn't love, or feel soft emotions. It just wants to fight, to kill, and ultimately..."

He looked away, his expression darkening. "Ultimately, the beast simply wishes to die. Drowning in blood, if possible." His voice was flat and cool. "Do you really want to live like that?"

[*James Silvius]

James was expecting a bad answer, but this was worse than he thought! The way Patrick described it... it was horrible. He asked himself; did he want this? Did he really want this? It wasn't like he could stop once this began. He honestly wanted to know what it felt like on a full moon. A monster he would become. But maybe it would be for the better. Maybe he would stop getting himself into heavy trouble.

"I just want to be able to win my own battles for once; the one's I've started myself. I hate vampires. They ruined everything. I don't like being a werewolf. I didn't pick or ask for this life, it just collided right into me. But I can't ignore what I am. I swore to eliminate the vampire species. So far it hasn't been going too well as you have seen. If I ever hurt a human, you have to swear to kill me. I could never live with myself. I've made up my mind. Teach me everything."

[rowanashke]

Patrick sighed, closing his eyes a moment. He didn't want to teach him this. He didn't want to show another person how to touch the demon inside. But he was asking, and Patrick could tell he wanted it. But did he want it bad enough?

He opened his eyes and stared at the boy, then smiled. Not a nice smile, either. Suddenly he was lunging across the room, grabbing James' hair with one hand, his other hand moving to grip his throat. He was bigger, stronger, faster and nastier than the boy was, and he didn't have any doubt he'd pin him down.

He was too tired to really get into it tonight, but he wanted to give the boy one last chance to understand exactly what he was asking Patrick to show him. SNarling, a shocking change from his almost gentle persona a single moment ago, he jerked Jame's head back, his teeth a bare inch from the boy's throat. "This is the beast." He snarled. "This is what you're asking for. Are you sure you want this? It never sleeps. It never goes away. And it never, ever quits howling in the back of your mind. This is hate. This is rage. How much do you hate?"

[*James Silvius]

James watched as Patrick made up his mind about something. He never expected what he did next. When Patrick gave him the eerie smile, James stifled a groan. Something bad was going to happen...

And something did. That smile wasn't Patrick's. It belonged to that thing inside of him. James was frozen. His eyes slightly widened. Fear wasn't even an option. Just shock. This was what he wanted to become. Beast. His hands flew to Patrick's strangling hand on this throat, thin fingers trying to feebly get him to let off. Patrick said he could kill him in this state and James believed it. He sure hoped that he was under control at this moment...

James was pinned down. He couldn't move anything. If his back could scream it would. The wound re-opened and the blood started flowing freely again. Oh no. This wasn't good. He wondered what the new scent of blood would do to Patrick. Right now, he was just showing James. Even though he knew this, James couldn't get over the initial shock. Now that there were new factors in this perilous game, he wondered what it would do to Patrick.

His teeth were so close to his throat now. James could smell his hot breath. He spoke. James didn't catch all of it. He just wanted this monster off of him. He caught the gist of his sentence though. Did he really want this. How much did he really hate? When he was younger, he felt the same hate that Patrick was feeling. His pack subdued it somewhat.

He needed that hate back. Patrick tugged his head harshly. "Teach me," he managed to gasp out.

[rowanashke]

Patrick felt the struggle in the boy, felt the release. Smiling, he flicked his tongue over the skin of the boy's throat-a reminder of how close he was-then stepped away, the beat sliding back into it's cage. "Good boy." He said, smiling again. Surreal, almost, how he could slide in and out of that state.

Of course, what he wasn't showing the boy was how hard it was to control. How much it cost him to be this way. The boy would learn, to his dismay, just what it meant to be the werewolf all the time...

He sighed. Moving around, he carefully re-bandaged James' back, his fingers gentle and fast. "Alright. You're going to be staying here, where I can watch you. Not in my apartment; there's plenty to pick from in the packhouse. I think...there's one just above me. You have to enter through a hallway and climb the stairs, but it's on the wall, so you can have some windows, which is nice. Come on; I'll take you up."

He sighed. "You know you have to leave your pack, right?" He asked, dropping his hands. "I can't do this and fight another alpha's dominance over you at the same time. You have to make a choice...this, or your other pack. Let me know."

The last test; the last piece of his old life to throw away. Patrick wondered briefly if he wanted James to say yes or now. It didn't matter, really. He'd deal with it as it came.

[*James Silvius]

James released the breath he'd been holding when Patrick let go of him. Breathing deeply, he got his heart rate to slow down. This was what he was going to become. It just didn't seem real to him. It was what he wanted but it hadn't sunken in yet to truly scare him.

What would the wolf in him be like? What would it try and make him do? How many people would he hurt during this training. He would hurt Patrick and himself obviously. But was it worth it risking other people? Yes. Yes it was. Self-sacrifice. It was the one thing he truly believed in.

He would have to sacrifice himself to protect everyone else, even though he could wound them. This was for the better. He couldn't be a true fighter, a warrior, without this.

James allowed Patrick to fix his back for the second time tonight. He would have to start watching that. Maybe he would need stitches after all. If it opened again, he's ask Patrick to sew it up. He would do it himself, but he couldn't reach back there.

James had a feeling that Patrick would want him staying close. Luckily, in the apartment above him. If there was an emergency he wouldn't be far. James hopped down from his stool and followed Patrick.

His heart sunk at his next words. Leave his pack? Leave Gavin, the man who raised him? Taught him everything he knew? And also the other werewolves who loved him like a little brother, a son. He had to leave them someday. He wasn't a child anymore and that's exactly how his pack treated him.

He had to grow up someday. It pained him to say the next words that came out of his mouth. He felt as though he were betraying all of them. But maybe it's better, I won't put them in danger anymore, he thought. He was torn. It felt as though a blade pierced his heart. But he knew what he had to do.

"I said I wanted your guidance, so I agree to join your pack," he said bravely. It was for the best. For him and his pack.

[rowanashke]

Patrick nodded briefly. So it was done. He felt tired and old again. He hated this; he hated what he was, and he hated to teach someone like James to follow in his footsteps. But he was going to need soldiers.

He led him down a hallway and stopped outside a door. Reaching up, he found the key tucked into the top of the doorframe and unlocked the door, pushing it open. "Here." He said quietly. "Your room from now on. I have a skeleton key to the entire building; this is the only other key. If you make a copy for anyone, just let me know." He turned and pressed the key into James' hand.

The apartment was tiny, as most of the oldest ones were. A single window opened to the street below and there was only a small kitchen. "Sorry about the lack of cooking area; you're welcome to use mine, if you want something elaborate. My apartment's never locked." He shrugged. "The bed is old, the couch is nasty. I'd replace them if you want. The bathroom's rather modern. The last person here wanted a good shower." He chuckled, shaking his head.

"I'll leave you now. Get some sleep. Come see me in the morning and I'll check your back; I think you'll be alright, but we need to make sure." He glanced around, then stuffed his hands in his pockets. "There's no phone. Sorry. The house is too old. Talk to me later if you want one."

He shrugged. "Anything else before I leave you?"

[*James Silvius]

James nodded and accepted the key. He stored it in his pants pocket for now. He listened to the features of his new home. It didn't sound that great, but he would only use the place to sleep anyway. James was grateful that Patrick was leaving him so he could get some sleep. The teen yawned. He needed the rest. Maybe he was wrong about the vampires. It was getting close to sunrise now.

James looked up at his new leader. "No, I'll be fine here. I'll see you in the morning. Thank you." James told him firmly. He'd feel a lot better with some sleep, and then the training could commence.

((OOC: assuming Patrick has left him by now...))

James didn't want to explore his new room at the moment, he just wanted to sleep. He took the sofa. It was a little less springy than the bed and he was sure it would be better for his back. He carefully positioned himself comfortably on the musty thing.

Everything happened so fast. One minute he was fighting vampires, and the next he found his way into a new pack. It had been a long, confusing, and exhausting day indeed. He wondered what Patrick felt like. The man was so kind to him - aside from his little demonstration back there - but he was only acting on James' behalf.

James closed his eyes. All he saw was blood. Even though his body was tired his mind was buzzing and restless. So many thoughts all at once. Everything was going to be different now... He would have to contact his pack in some way the next morning, maybe bring Patrick with him. Gavin was a nice guy, he wouldn't fight over the ownership of James. The boy belonged to no one but himself.

He concentrated on sleeping and pushed further thought aside. Tomorrow would be as exhausting as this one...

(((Sooooooo what now? Wind the clock forward? Start a new thread?)))

[rowanashke]

(OOC: I think we should start a new thread; I like the idea of you taking Patrick to meet Gavin, if you don't mind. If he'll post, lol. Let me know about that, ok?))